Category Archives: relationships

Ooo, I’m just sittin’ on the dock of the bay wastin’ time…


“In real life we deal not with gods, but with ordinary humans like ourselves: men and women who are full of contradictions, who are stable and fickle, strong and weak, famous and infamous, people in whose bloodstream the muckworm battles daily with potent pesticides.” – Nelson Mandela

For the most part in life I have been a solivagant.  I have spent a great deal of time on my own walking my path.  In many ways that is just my nature.  I definitely march to the beat of my own drum, you wouldn’t get much argument on that point.  I totally enjoy the company of others and have had my share of relationships.  Each one of them has been special to me in their own way but I think the longest lasted a year.  In the end I’ve ended up friends or at least on good terms with most of them, which is how I prefer things to be.  Then I am on my path again exploring the vast outer world, though mostly my vast inner world.

That darkness was pure, perfect, thoughtless, visionless; that darkness was without end, without borders; that darkness was the infinite we carry within us. (Yes, if you’re looking for infinity, just close your eyes!)
The Unbearable Lightness of Being – Milan Kundera

Continue reading Ooo, I’m just sittin’ on the dock of the bay wastin’ time…

Never a breath you can afford to waste, when you’re lovers in a dangerous time…


Bruce Cockburn – such a wonderful song.  I have always loved his music.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned over the last few years is to be honest and free in what you say.  Let people know you appreciate them or that you love them, especially those people who are near and dear to you, don’t assume they know.  I’m certainly not where I want to be in that respect, but I work on it every day.  That was something I would have a difficult time saying or expressing in the past.  I thought it was obvious from my actions.  In other cases I always tried to be clever and subtle about it, I thought that was charming in some way.  The thing is if I wasn’t willing to say it out loud, then did I really mean it?  The power of conviction is an important one, you back up words with deeds and actions.  So if you don’t actually say it, then you aren’t tied to it.  Real connections are not diminished by time and space.  Even if you choose not to say something then you are making it a choice, it is not because you fear saying it or fear the other person’s reaction.  They may not feel the same way, but that’s okay, at least you will know.  Then you can decide where you want to go from there.

Continue reading Never a breath you can afford to waste, when you’re lovers in a dangerous time…

Starry, starry nights…


“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.” ~ Mary Oliver

You always think you will know those experiences or moments that will change your life.  The thing is for most of us we don’t realize what they were until long after they have happened to us.  So you can never remember who you were before that.  I had such an experience recently that has irrevocably changed my life.  I am a much different person today than I was a mere two months ago.  The thing is I realized that I was going through a significant change in my life and I was fortunate enough to live that moment.  Those who have known me for some years have noticed that there is something very different about me of late.  Well they aren’t wrong, there most certainly is.  My life took a very big shift in direction lately, and it’s a very positive one for sure.  People can feel the difference in my character, and to be frank it feels great.  Whenever I discuss this time people say I am glowing, more than one person has made that comment.  The thing is I can feel the peacefulness permeate my entire being.  For hours after talking or thinking about this time I am so peaceful.  It started not so long ago, in a place not so very far away.  At my favourite coffee shop on Davie Street, somewhere around the start of October.  I ran into someone I have always had a very strong connection to who I had not seen in at least 6 or 7 years.  First though let’s lay some context.

Continue reading Starry, starry nights…

I’m just a jealous guy…


Well at least I certainly used to be.  That was certainly something I struggled with a great deal when I was younger.  There will always be a tiny element of it with me, but for the most part when it rises within me now I can temper it pretty easily.  Jealousy, and interchangeably envy, for me and I believe for most others comes from a weak self-identity and a feeling of powerlessness.  When I developed a stronger sense of self I began to view my relationships and my place in them very differently.  Part of the benefit of this was my feelings of jealousy abated a great deal.  Jealousy isn’t just limited to our romantic relationships, it can affect our friendships, family or any significant relationship in our life.  Even more perplexing it can affect even insignificant relationships in our lives.

Jealousy is really counterintuitive and destructive when it comes down to it.  I think we all know that but in spite of that we have a hard time controlling or dealing with it.  We think it is a way to protect our part in the relationship, when in reality we are only trying to protect our own self-interest.   We end up treating the relationship or the other individual like a possession instead of recognizing they are another person with their own thoughts, feelings and motivations.  In the end we invariably drive the other person further from us.  It can often lead into trust issues that are hard to repair.

Continue reading I’m just a jealous guy…

Listen to What the Man Said…


Further to my post of yesterday another thing I am working on is listening to what people have to say.  I have always been a pretty good listener, in fact I love listening to the stories people have to tell.  What I am working on though is listening to others without attaching my values to what they are saying.  If I can practice that then I can actually take in what others are saying and then decide how I will react to those statements.  That doesn’t mean I have to agree with those ideas or statements but if I don’t listen to them honestly then how can I determine their validity.

“When you listen to someone, you should give up all of your preconceived ideas and your subjective opinions, you should just listen to him, observe what his way is.  We put very little emphasis on right or wrong, or good and bad.  We just see things as they are with him and accept them.  Usually when you listen to a statement, you hear it as a kind of echo of yourself.  You are actually listening to your own opinion.  If it agrees with your opinion you may accept it, but if it does not you may reject it or you may never even really hear it”   Shunryu Suzuki

I think this is a common habit of most people.  While you are listening to someone you are already making up your mind about whether you believe them or not, even before they have finished saying their piece.  It is often based upon our past dealings with others and how we have been treated by others in our lives.  The danger here is we tend to employ this even with people we have never encountered in our lives, someone we have no information to base our opinion upon.  Now I understand why we do this and I understand it is mostly a defense mechanism.  If we look back to the past of our ancestors they usually lived in small villages and communities and encountered the same people over and over.  It was much easier to trust others.  In our society, especially an urban one, you meet many others every day to whom you have no connection whatsoever.  It is tough to take them at face value, as we tend to be wary of others.  Though we would certainly expect them to take us at face value, after all we are honest and trustworthy.  So how can we have that expectation of them without giving them the same consideration.

Continue reading Listen to What the Man Said…